A Wedding Song
by IttyBittyTidbits
Summary: Kenshin and kaoru are finally getting married! But strange new twists threaten to delay the wedding. Will their entourage pull through? Most importantly, will they EVER get on with the ceremony?


**A Wedding Song**

It was the day. The sun was high in the cloudless sky, a little breeze was blowing, and the birds were chirping. Inside a hotel room...

"You look beautiful," Ayumi sighed dreamily, stepping back to examine the veil she had just pinned on Kaoru. "I don't like you all that much, but even I have to say so."

The bride shot her an irritated glare. "Hey, _you_ volunteered to be the 'mother of the bride'."

"Exactly," Megumi joined in. "That's what gives her the license to say whatever she wants. She supposed to be your mother."

The older women exchanged looks and abruptly burst into high-pitched laughter. Meanwhile...

"Gorgeous! Aoshi-sama is finally going to see me as more than just a child now!" Misao cooed into the large vanity table mirror. The invitation in her hand was considerably flailed about while she giggled at random delusional fantasies.

Across the room, the two flower girls, Suzi and Yumi, had gotten into a fight and were running towards the only sane person left – Tsubami. Suzi had taken a handful of the petals in Yumi's basket and was running around, refusing to let go. The other girl, seeing that the make-up take was unguarded, grabbed a bottle of liquid foundation and squirted it at her sister's glittering silver and blue dress. As of the moment, they were both crying. And running black, watery mascara streaks down their faces.

In the ensuing chaos, the official photographer was backing himself into a corner, while the brave videographer, defying all peril, picked through the mess, sticking his camera into people's faces. The latter' job was considerably easier because the bulky apparatus was always visible, so that every time it focused on somebody, that somebody would immediately stop bickering to smile sweetly.

Nobody heard Okina's call through the ruckus. So, when no answer came after the third round of wild knocking, the lecherous old man decided to let himself in, thinking that he might catch a free show if the ladies happened to still be busy dressing.

"Gi~irls!" he sang, bounding in.

Lo, and behold! The sight that met him was nothing like the one he imagined. Megumi and Ayumi had teamed up against Kaoru, who planted a foot on the vanity table stool, shaking her fist and looking about ready to trade in her wedding gown for a kimono and hakama. Misao had stopped twirling around with her imaginary Aoshi-sama simply because she finally tripped on the hem of her long gown and fell right onto the bed, leaving a bright lipstick stain on the sheets. Kaoru, catching sight of this, promptly shrieked, "The honeymoon bed!" and blushed beet red.

One hour later, everyone had sorted everything out. And although Suzi could insist that there was nothing strange about the flesh-coloured streaks in her dress, and Yumi had secretly taken five of the biggest rose blooms in Kaoru's bouquet to replace the petals her sister had taken and crushed, Okina declared them all ready.

"Kaoru," Ayumi began again, examining the bride's bouquet, "why are there bare spots here? And," glancing into Yumi's basket, "why did the florist mix white and red petals for the flower girls?"

Luckily, the bride was too much a flurry mix of eagerness and stomach butterflies to notice the random comment. Everyone managed to get into the cars without further incident.

**In church...**

The groom and his attendants had been waiting...waiting...waiting.

"Late again," Sanosuke grumbled. He was the ring bearer, and was standing beside Saito, who stood beside Kenshin. "Those women have absolutely no sense of time!"

"Relax, they're probably just as nervous as the groom is," Dr. Gensai said, nodding at Kenshin, who was pale and had begun to break out in cold sweat. "I'll bet the bride is nervous, anyway – ahahaha!"

Sanosuke rolled his eyes. He had to admit the old man was patient, but whoever picked him to officiate the wedding must have been plain nuts. Now the old doctor had gotten it into his head to call himself _Father_ Doctor Gensai.

Adjusting the lapels of his white tuxedo, Sano looked up. "Hey! The girls are here!"

Everyone turned to look. The entourage was making their way up the church steps. From the front of the church, Hiko cranked up an ancient phonograph. It squealed painfully, and then emitted a discordant version of the funeral march. Shishio, who had volunteered to stand as the groom's father after the sensei blatantly refused, threatening death to all present, had disappeared from Kenshin's side and was next spotted beside Hiko, rifling through a box of scratched old records.

"I told Himura he should have hired an orchestra, but the cheapskate refused to listen to me," Shishio muttered.

"I AM the orchestra!" Hiko exploded back.

"Well you're playing the wrong song! Discordantly too!" The former plucked off the funeral march record to replace it. The wedding march's first eerie notes filled the air.

"Dare you insult me?" Hiko challenged, winding the mechanism faster and faster. The needle finally poked Shishio's finger, which he had forgotten to remove from the record.

"You did that on purpose!"

"Did not!"

Both grabbed their swords. The audience fell into a hushed silence. From the altar, Kenshin had practically turned blue. "I think I'm going to be sick."

--

The wedding officially began when the flower girls walked down the aisle, strewing rose petals about. The audience oohed and aahed...until Suzi saw Kenshin.

"Look at these pretty flowers!" she squealed, making a beeline towards him and dumping the remainder of her basket's contents at his feet. Looking up at him, the expression on her face turned solemn. "Why are you dressed in black?" she asked, indicating his dark tuxedo. "Did somebody die?"

All eyes flitted towards Hiko and Shishio, who had gotten over their fight and were getting along as nicely as two swords stabbed on the floor could make them.

"Uh, look here, Suzi-chan..." Sano began. He was interrupted by a rather loud argument from the church door.

"What do you mean this little twerp's going to be my escort!?" Misao screamed, threateningly waving her bouquet at Megumi, who only laughed.

"As if I would want to hold your hand," Yahiko shot back.

In front of them, Aoshi sighed. Holding out an arm for Tsubami to take, both proceeded down the aisle. They finished the walk and were already seated before Misao and Yahiko agreed to begin their walk.

"Hey, you two!" Hiko bellowed from beside the altar. He was hunched over, working on the phonograph. "Hurry up and get down here! Winding this ancient contraption is no easy task! You can walk and bicker at the same time!"

Thus the wedding was interrupted several times before it even began. But finally, it did. The bride floated down the aisle, the acting father of the bride (Okina) shed rivers of tears giving her away, and the midway down the red carpet the mother of the bride spotted the father of the groom and rushed to sit with him on the altar steps, conveniently getting in the way of the maid of honour.

Then everybody was happy. And THEN, the wedding could finally begin.

Dr. Gensai cleared his throat importantly. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to witness two people joined together in holy matrimony. If there are any objections, speak now or forever –"

Suddenly, Hoji stood up from the back of the room. "I object!"

"On what grounds?" Saito demanded with narrowed eyes. In the blink of an eye, he had his sword unsheathed, and had gotten into the gatotsu position. "Speak!"

Shishio's chief advisor visibly paled. "I – I uh, Himura – no, Battousai – he cannot –"

With a blood-curdling battle cry, Saito charged at the poor man, sending him flying out of the church doors. Straightening his coat and tie, he then glared at the astounded audience.

"Any more objections?"

All shook their heads, and the ceremony continued.

"Show off," Sano whispered accusingly the moment Saito returned to his place beside Dr. Gensai.

"As the best man, I have an obligation to make sure nothing disrupts the wedding. Unlike you, who only holds those flat gold doughnuts."

"For your information," Sanosuke argued, his voice rising with every word, "the wedding bands are extremely important! Without them, there is no proof of the wedding!"

"Actually," Soujiro stepped in, "the real proof is the wedding contract, which will be signed –"

"Whaddaya know?" Sano sneered. "You're just a dumb usher!"

The boy's eyes flashed. "That comment was uncalled for." His hand was already on the hilt of his sword. "Mind you tell me how you wish to be sliced?"

Fr. Dr. Gensai coughed loudly. "Gentlemen, we are trying to unite these two –"

"– in holy moly, yeah," Sano interrupted, waving a hand dismissively. "Go ahead. I'll take care of this little kid."

Saito snickered. "It's holy matrimony, chicken skull. And they can't continue the wedding if you want to ramble here."

"You're one to talk!"

So it began. And although he did not want to get involved, Aoshi took it upon himself to break up the fight since Saito adamantly refused to do anything about it except step out of the way. Trying to ignore Misao's adoring look then, Aoshi nodded for the wedding to continue. But after the first satisfying sensations of heroism wore off, he began to regret his good deed, because Kenshin had gotten it into his head to say his own vows. There was nothing wrong in that, really, except for his singing voice, because the groom wanted to sing.

The bride and groom faced each other. Taking Kaoru's hands in his, Kenshin began,

"Moon so bright, night so fine,

"Keep your heart here with mine

"Life's a dream we are dreaming..."

Caught up in the bubbling romance of the moment, Kaoru continued,

"Race the moon, catch the wind

"Ride the night to the end

"Seize the day, stand up for the light..."

BOTH: "I want to spend my lifetime loving you

"If that is all in life I ever do..."

KENSHIN: "Heroes rise, heroes fall

"Rise again, win it all

"In your hear, can't you feel the glory?"

KAORU: "Through our joy, through our pain

"We can move worlds again

"Take my hand, dance with me..."

KENSHIN: (Dance with me)

BOTH: "I want to spend my lifetime loving you

"If that is all in life I ever do

"I will want nothing else to see me through

"If I can spend my lifetime loving you..."

Before the song reached its painful crescendo, Sanosuke snuck a look around the church. Dr. Gensai was nodding, smiling at the couple. To the side of the altar, Shishio and Ayumi were looking at each other and holding hands. Hiko had his hands in his hair, face buried in shame to see his only student crooning like a mating mandarin duck. Saito bore the singing, but there was no mistaking the pained look on his face. Yahiko had his eyes on Tsubami, and both were blushing. Misao had _her_ eyes on Aoshi, who was trying not to see them. Megumi folded her arms and smiled sardonically, while Suzi and Yumi played between themselves, trying to see who could pluck the most petals off Megumi's bouquet. And Okina, the drama king, burst into fresh tears, babbling about how much his "daughter" had grown up in the few hours he knew her.

Sano was about to delve further into the random activities of the restless audience when he felt something make a grab for the pillow in his hands. It was Kenshin, swiping the wedding rings from him.

"...Save the night, save the day

"Save the love, come what may

"Love is worth everything we pay..."

The bride and groom exchanged rings and clasped hands, then sang the last part of their vows.

"I want to spend my lifetime loving you

"If that is all in life I ever do

"I want to spend my lifetime loving you

"If that is all in life I ever do

"I will want nothing else to see me through

"If I can spend my lifetime loving you..."

A loud cheer erupted at the end of their song, more in thanksgiving that Kenshin's singing had finally ended. Letting out a loud cheer, Dr. Gensai smiled at the groom. "You may now kiss the bride."

"Yeah!" Shishio echoed. Then he and Ayumi launched into their own shows of affection.

The REAL bride and groom, however, were more reserved. Catching Megumi's wink, Saito nudged Kenshin ever so slightly. The groom tripped over his own feet, clawed the air, caught at Kaoru's veil, tore it, and brought the two of them tumbling down the altar steps. The maid of honour rolled her eyes, and the best man pressed two fingers to his aching temples.

The bride and groom, pushing aside modesty, at last kissed. The audience cheered. The long wedding was over.

***

**A/N: The song used was "I want to spend my lifetime loving you" by Marc Anthony and Tina Arena. Sano's comment "holy moly" was taken from a Baby-sitters club book I read years ago. And Saito's threat about wedding objections was inspired by an episode of "Nanny named Fran" (I think that was the title), an old sitcom.**

**Hm...this is the first crack fic that was crack all throughout. I thought it would be hard to keep up a humorous overtone because I'm mainly a drama writer, but the more I delved myself into the story, the easier it became. The idea came from one...nowhere in particular. It's one of those things that pop into your head while you lie awake in bed. Yeah...those sorts of things. Oh, it was probably fired up by this thing I have for wanting to see Saito in a white tux o.O Someone told me it was disgusting, but she hated Saito (shrug)...**

**I almost forgot the DISCLAIMER: RK is not mine. Neither are its characters. **

**Please R&R!**

**Love,**

**Tibbits... :)**


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